ok. its sun again. which means sku is startin TOMORROW. omg. hais.. n im goin ovr to my second home todae.which is goldie's hse. haha... lame.. so bored la..! n been having overnights at my own hse. lols.. slp in e mrn ok. alamak..n THANKS SARA for e sms u sent upon readin my last post.. hais.. lyfs lyk tis.. gotta live it. no choice.. kkayx.. ending off here.. til e nxt post den.

but tis tym is my family..dey quarrel tyms n again..i realli..dno wat to do.. im e youngest in tis family..i can do nth to help dem..i can onli see dem quarrel lyk never ending..i went out todae..came back late..my bro too..when i came back,i heard my dad askin my bro askin his sku stuffs..den my mum came back..passed me my dner..den my dad not happy.sae tat we veh enjoy..come back late stil got tings to eat..while he himself got nth to eat.. so i said 'dun go out eat use ur money to eat ah?!' den he not happy lor.y i sae tat?bcoz ytd he bought diner for us.but when my mum cme back frm work,she brought food again.so he tinks tat its a waste of money to buy dner for us.tats y i said tat juz now.im so irritated.i stil rmb dere was once when i quarrelled wif my dad.. he said 'u always go out.. go out do wat? fuckin arnd wif guys issit?!' hais.. it hurts so much when a dad saes tat to his own daughter.. one more ting i rmb.. in e past when im stil a kid,i saved money.. saved 100+ bucks.. he took it al..even said tat he wil return me e money.. in e end? its been near 10yrs. where is my 100 bucks?gone..if u were to sae 'den wat abt e money he spent on u?' well.. those money..he derve to spend it isnt it? m i not part of him? i am. so he is responsible for al tat isnt it? hais..tat made me dun wna save money animore.save for wat? he wil stil take it al frm me. n my bro is in poly now.. polytechnics.. but we have probs payin e sku fees.so we applied for financial assistance n we got 5k frm tat assistance..but tat 5k is for his sku fees.. in e end? my dad took e money to pay his stuffs.. his credit cards,bills n e loanshark he owe outside.wtf?hais.. n now my bro is runnin out of money to spend..n my dad is blamin him again..bcoz he got no money to spend.. hais.. sumtyms i realli dno.. y? y m i in tis family? y muz i face al these probs? y muz my dad b lyk tis? we tried to tok sense into him.but it dint work.he dint even bother to listen..hais..each of us have our own troubles,pressures.i myself is alr tryin veh hard not to spend alot of money alr.i dun lyk to buy clothes u noe?though i wud love to own e clothes i lyk.which girl dun lyk to own e clothes dey lyk rite?but me?i dun have ani money for tat.but wats e wae of him destressing?i realli dno..he juz drink n drink,smoke n smoke vredae.. hais.. wat m i to do? m i to stop studyin n work? my sku fees too hasnt been settled ok. plus my 0 lvl fees too.owin e sku 500+ bucks.n my mum has to pay dem.if we dun pay,i can forget abt takin 0 lvl end of tis yr.my dad gets a 1000 pay every month. so?its juz not enuf for him.bcoz he have to pay e loanshark half of his pay every month.n den e money left? pay his credit cards bills..left for him to buy beer n cigg.my mum?400 every 2 wks.which means 800 per mth.bills,household xpenses..gone.e money gone juz lyk tat..sumtyms when i dun have enuf money to spend,my mum gifs me xtra money.bcoz she noes i dun have much left.n den my dad wud sae 'u tink i dno ur mum gif u money issit? wa..vredae take money frm her la..enjoy la..' but he doesnt even noe wat r we goin tru.i have my own meals to settle.i nid to go sku.i nid to eat.n wat abt those clas funds or assesment bks we have to buy? n i dun have much money vredae noe..juz enuf for my meals..i dun even have much money to spare vredae..hais.. n den lyk mothers dae or fathers dae.my dad wan face.he wna celebrate.ok.so we went.in e end?spend abt 100 bucks eatin.in e end? back home quarrel..we cant tel him we dun wna go.y? if we tel him we dun wna go,he wil ask y.n if we saes 'dun wna later quarrel' den he wil b unhappy alr.if we sae nth.he wil kip askin us to go.wat can we do? hais.. i realli dno wat to do.tis yr is lyk fuck for me.my fuckin 0 lvls.if i dun have my 0 lvls,my mum wun nid to pay xtra 300+ to e sku..tat means we wil have more money to spare which means we can save more quarrels.hais..n if im not havin sucha impt exam,i can work.hais..sporean look good on e outside.but whu noes wats inside?my dad once hit my mum until my mum got bruises al over ok.omg.i cried so hard.dey quarrelled.dey dun have a good temper.so u can imagine how worse e situation is.so my mum threatened to leave home.n den my dad stopped her n push her to e grnd.n sucha loud bang i heard.omg.she got bruises on her eyes,hips n legs ok.imagine how harsh was e push?omg.i cried so hard.i scolded my dad again n again.screamed at him.my bro too screamed at him.hit him.we wil nv ever forget those.n my dad had a mistress outside once.my mum forgave him for me n my bro's sake.bcoz she doesnt wan me n my bro to b affected at sucha young age.but imagine e hurt he had done to my mum? hais.. my family is sucha... hais.. ruined la.i dno how to survive.if i were to pass my 0 lvl tis yr,i wud b goin to e poly.in e end? me n my bro both in e polys.means even more burden.hais..wat is my future goin to b? a ruined family tat looks good outside but rotten inside. n a ruined,broken heart tats nv gna heal.i can utd wat my mum went tru.both r women.both r hurt by man.i told my mum juz now 'we wil rmb al these til e dae we die.'. i wil rmb every single ting tat happ in tis family.n every single ting tat happ to me durin my daes wif him.'women rmb every single hurtful stuff.'. i realli dno wats my future goin to b...seems so grey....i realli dare not hope for another guy whu wil stand by me to appear alr.no guys r to b trusted.nv.so wat if he sae he wil love me forever?oh..how good tat forever sounds! i dun blieve in forever.nv.i wil nv blieve in it.if deres forever,dere wun b divorces.if deres forever,dere wun b heartbreaks.so wat if e guy sae he love me alot? SAE onli. guys can sae anitin to humour girls.yes.dey can.dey can sae anitin so so sweet juz to get e girl dey wan. guys can promise everytin n anitin to e girl. but whu can realli stand by their promises? ha. i dun blieve in promises.i dun blieve in forevers. im not goin to blieve in 'we shall b togeta for s long s possible.nv gna leave each other.' i can promise tis.bcoz im a scorpio.scorpios r dead devoted to e ones dey love. but i wun blieve in it when a guy saes it. i dun blieve in guys.no more. dey proved me so so wrong. wats forever? forever dun exist in my dictionary since e first heartbreak i got 2yrs ago.e first guy whu hurt me so deeply.so deep tat i dun make promises to anione animore.n for ur info,in case u get confused.deres 2 guys so far tat hurt me so deeply.one is e one tat had juz past,he is alex.e other is e first guy i fell for 2yrs ago.he is hy.after hy hurt me,forever dun exist in my dic nomore.n after alex hurt me,promises dun exist nomore.dey make me lose trust in guys. im not goin to trust ani guys animore. no. im dead serious abt tis im saein. im not goin to trust ani guys animore. exaggerating? it may sounds so to u. but tats e truth,tats e fact.all these r makin me so goddamn tired alr.so tired of lyf.ive tot of committin suicide u noe?yes im a loser.i admit dfeat to fate.admit dfeat to lyf.im so tired alr.even frens.whu,to me r e most precious jewels arnd.can b so hyprocritic.wat else can i trust?i realli dno.i have no direction.living everydae in a FACADE.i dun quarrel wif tat hyprocrite.cant b bothered.i stil go out wif her yes.but deep down,i hate her.in front of my frens,i sae im ok.but deep down im not.i dun wna tink of al tat pressures n stress.but deep down,dey r juz ahead of me.in front of me.hais.. smiles r juz a facade.so wat im a nice girl? NICE GIRL FATED TO HAVE SUCHA RUINED LYF? god is so good to me yes?

sorry if i offended ani christians. sorry if i offended ani guys.

im so goddamn irritated. stupid singtel internet.

had a quite wonderful dae.. met xiaowei at abt 1+ instead of 2..haha.. took pics.. den go entertainment have lunch.. pics pics again.. haha.. in long johns n in e lift.. guess wat? its lyk s if we own e lift ok! hahaha.. den went to her hse for more pics again! realli alot ok.. my mem card.. at first had 91pics.. after taking al.. have abt 140 ok. hahahaha.. den left her hse to mit goldie bcoz xiaowei goin out for her date la.. i met goldie.. acc her go back home.. n now im bck home again.. lala.. wanted to do hwk de ok..todae.. in e end? PICTURES. haha..

ok.. slacked e whole dae.. nth much ta blog.. hais.. havin headache la..

ok.. back home.. had sucha long n boring dae.. went to goldie's bf hse e whole dae.. lunched n slacked.. watch 2 shows.. one was 'Shakesphere's Love'. n of coz its abt William Shakesphere.. my favourite writer i wud sae..=D

he's been runnin tru my mind these daes.. guess he muz b veh tired now.. rest well my dear..

its 4.28am now.been readin tis novel titled 'you duo shao ai ke yi cong lai'. abt tis guy n girl.in love for 2yrs.unlike ani other lovers,dey r pure n innocent.dey help each other wif sku works n learn to appreciate each other tru these.but broke after 2 yrs.(reason i haven read until dere.=p) but e guy stil love her alot.but til e end of e story,e girl dint return.

n deres tis part tat reminds me of him again.deres tis part abt e guy helpin e girl wif her book.shes abt to release a bk.n e guy is helpin her without ani conditions or aniting.n e girl is so touched tat she asked for a hug frm e guy.but tis is unlyk her.so e guy ask her 'y?wats wrong?' she said 'nth lor..juz wna hug u.hehe..' reminds me of how childish i was when i asked for a hug frm him too. i said 'dear..baobao..'*stretch out arms*. he said 'y?u sot ah?' den i sae 'baobao la..' while sha jiao-ing. den he lyk sayang baby lyk tat sae 'aww..kkayx..baobao..' den hug me..haha..how cute is tat..n right after tis tot,tears roll down my cheeks.started to tink back abt those beautiful moments we shared.n i took out e 2 photos i developed frm my phone.one was taken by himself long ago when hes stil a beng.one was taken by lynn accidentally when me n him were foolin arnd.lynn so happened to 'ka cha!' sucha nice view of him.n tat pic started our story.

we started our story by xchangin photos.he veh zi lian de.so he wanted e photo.so i wanted his photos frm him oso.n tis leads him to saein 'aiya..we change phone la..' but i rejected e offer..soon after,we got togeta..how to dscribe ne..its tat kind of attraction in bwtn..its tat kind of 'u noe i noe' kind of feelin in bwtn.we nid not spell out vretin n each other wil noe wat each other r tinkin abt.wats tat called?i forgot.

but now?he cruelly left me alone here.im too tired to even summarize e story.its too...though its short,3 mths.but e moments we shared.b it quarrellings or sweet moments.its enuf for me to cry for hours.dere was once,noone was arnd me.i was at home.i cried my heart out for 2 hrs.n e feelin is lyk,deres stil more tears.but i stopped it.

well..i stopped readin tat bk for a while.i dint wan to miss bloggin abt my feelings..n rite now,im stil wearin his ring.HIS RING.yes,its his.i bought one for him,close to e dsign of his.but unfortunately,he lost it when swimmin.he sot de la.swim take out for wat.hais..nvm..im stil wearin e ring tat we 2 once FOUGHT over.he lyk it alot.i lyk it alot too.but he gave in to me.he gave it to me.n i whenever i see those 'i wan to wear e ring la.....' xpression frm him,my heart ache.n i wud let him wear it for weeks be4 gettin it back again.vretym he wud pass it to me with those veh 'she bu de' xpression..so i got one for him.n he lyk tat ring alot too.but,fate's lyk tis..its destined tat he wil lost it.now he's left wif e cologne(v-dae) i got him n all e letters i wrote.me?im onli left wif his ring,e first n last present frm him(v-dae),n e countless photos of him in my com n e 2 photos in my wallet.i once tot of tearin it.but...well,how cud i bear to?my hands wanted to tear.but my heart stop it.hais..

tink enuf of bloggin..if not gna cry again..guess wun b slpin tonite.continue readin e book..hais..if u al ever wna read tat bk,go library borrow k. its . hais..

ok.. CREDITS TO GOLDIE FOR E NEW BLOGSKIN.. but i choose it myself.. she make e changes al.. haha.. i love tis blogskin n vreting.. hehe.. n thanks to her tat im able to get outta my hse todae.. met her n her bf for lunch den go his hse slack.. guess wat? watched FINAL DESTINATION 3 N 2.. lols.. lame hor? den he go runnin wif frens..goldie do my blog..den went out wif dem for dner..n now im back.. bathed vreting den blog.. haha.. im bored. tokin to goldie.. currently downloadin FD1 n davinci code.. sians... wna watch FD1 al thanks to FD 2 n 3.. haha..

practically slacked e whole dae..until 5+.. go out wif fam to PS.. sians.. back home jiu com until now.. going offline le..so come blog first.. sians sia..

dno how is he le.. in NS 2nd dae le.. sure veh tired de ba.. been prayin for him these 2 daes.. hope he's ok.. *prays*

back home.. sucha boring dae.. mitin goldie at first de.. but in e end nv.. suan le.. den go library e whole dae.. CAN U AL BLIEVE IT?! haha..

我會好好過,等你再愛我..終有個角落會讓你想起我..向右或向左都有我站在這裡守候......等你回头,看到的一定是我....

ok.. came to a dcision.. hais.. dno y suddenly got tis feelin.. but i guess tis feelin is goin to last.. for veh long.. ive dcided tat.. to guard by him.. to stand by him.. i noe its foolish.. bcoz he doesnt noe abt it.. but well,i love him..im stil loving him.. so i can do anitin n everytin for him.. even if its e most worthless ting..im lyk tis.. i shall kip him in my heart..continue lovin him..even though he's in a place tat no guys wud enjoy..n tat he doesnt even noe wat im doin for him outside here..it doesnt matter..i shall kip lovin him,prayin for him al.. until a dae.. when a guy whu can reali make me giv up on him appears.. i noe its e 2nd tym im saein tis kinda ting.. (e 1st tym was when hy gave me up). but im serious tis tym..dead serious..ive xperienced such heartbreakin matters TWICE.. hais.. i may still cry 'horribly','terrifyin-ly' n pitifully for him in e future.. but hey,of coz wil cry de ma dui bu dui?

n for those whuve been askin me to get over him al..hais..juz to tel u al i appreciate wat u al had said n done..wat u al had adviced..but its juz,"SAID EASIER THAN DONE" alright? tis tym is not onli so simple k.juz emotions n feelings problems..tis tym is not onli these..tats y its EXCEPTIONALLY difficult for me to realli get over.. wat i can sae is.. I HAVEN GET OVER HIM,N IM FOOLISH TO B EVEN DOIN SO MUCH TINGS FOR HIM EVEN IF HE DOESNT NOES/APPRECIATES.BUT,E DAE TAT I GET OVER HIM WIL COME.EVENTUALLY.ONE DAY.but for now,HE'S STILL IN MY HEART.WIL B IN MY HEART FOR HOW LONG I DO NOT KNOW.wait n see.hais..

if u ever turn back,e one u wud see standin bhind n waitin wil b ME.

lala.. back home now.. went out at abt 2 to mit goldie n her bf for lunch..den dcided to go his hse.. juz to slack lor.. den wna go pasa malam de.. den he wan to play bball oso.. so we dcided to go pasa malam den bball.. but pasa malam gone.. =( den proceed to play bball lor.. only he n his frens play la actually.. goldie n i sit one side n chat while watchin lor.. haha.. den go his hse dner.. n now im back.. lols.. sians la. tml mayb peiin her go airport wif her family fetch her sis.. hehe.. so long nv go airport le.. LOLS.

hais.. slackin e whole dae.. going out wif mama later.. go buy ting.. sians la..

hais.. feel so fucking low these few daes.. (scroll down n read previous post of e dae n u wil kinda understand y).. hais.. wat made me wna post again is e dear owner of twinkleystarz blog.. hais..

my dear.. we r both tinkin alot.. ur frens nv seems to EXIST?! EH!! WAT AM I?! TRANSPARENT LA? U GOOD LOR U.. hais.. i admit tat i do oso have bad attitude n bad character..vreone have their 'bad' side la.. lyk mi.. i help sara dey al wif fnn..i seems 'ANGELIC'.. but when im pissed wif dem..wat m i? 'DEVIL'? haha.. hais.. vreone have their bad attitude de la.. deres always both sides to tings..

ur bf seems to change? wel.. i got nth much to sae bcoz he's not my bf.. u utd him beta.. but i tink.. no.. vreone can see tat he really loves u alot.. n one frank ting, i tink its bcoz of ur unreasonable-ness tat he seems to change.. hais..

ALOT of tings is happenin la.. we cant blame ourselve(when im blamin myself for wat happ in e past..hais..) for e changes.. bcoz FACTS r tat tings changes.. hais.. lyk wat i tagged.. wat we see is wat is happenin which is real..

hais.. LIFE IS SO GODDAMN CONTRADICTING.. here i m saein we shud not blame ourselves.. n wat did i post for my frenster? hais.. suan le..

alright.. back frm somerset.. haha.. went to get my ingredients la.. n i'll save e embarrassing part.. hehe.. im having a headace..

alright.. pics for viewing.. edited by sara. =)

ok.. dint mit goldie.. instead i went central alone.. suan le.. watched yu bai juz now.. so funny la.. li jiu ze n show.. haha.. li jiu ze's song so damn nice.. heres one lyrics.. n for ur info.. to view e lyrics.. go to [view(on top on ur windows.-_-) den [encoding] n select [unicode] will do.. hehe..


我會好好過

你的爱很像泡沫
太轻或太重
都不在手中
我的爱就像天空
太放或太收
你都只是风
你来过却爱上自由
你出走我不问理由
我會好好過
等你再爱我
总有个角落
会让你想起我
我會好好過
等你再愛我
向右或向左
都有我站在这里守候
你留下很多
够我面对寂寞
寂寞不重
重是爱太多
我會好好過
当你回头
看到的一定是我

hais.. reminded of him again.. nvm..

currently slacking.. miting goldie later.. go central.. gotta top up my card la.. sians.. did fnn juz now.. so now.. officially off FNN which is FUCKING NUTS.. haha.. kkayx.. back tonite to post.. lalala

had sucha boring at hm.. SLACKED.. den met goldie n spencer n sum of spen's fren to pei him go buy hp cover.. e one im using.. hahahaha.. he idiot la.. no..shud sae pasa malam idiot.. haha.. nvm.. n here im back.. lols.. actually back long ago la. sians la...

lala.. woke up early in e mrn.. lyk.. 7? to do my fnn.. haha.. do until 8+ n cia called me.. to acc her for breakfast.. duh.. shes suppose to b dere for dnt at 8.. hha.. had breakfast wif her n anthony.. n anthony is sucha crapper la.. *shakes head*.. den met sara n branda for fnn.. lalala.. i finished my stuffs alr!! hehe.. done helping xiaowei,clement n branda.. left sara's.. why? coz her stuffs r messy.. =p but almost done alr my dear.. hehe.. den proceeded to tpy wif goldie n had lunch wif her n her bf.. our favourite YA MIAN.. duck noodle i mean.. its so freakin nice la.. den proceed to walk arnd den go her bf hse watch movie.. HONEY BY JESSICA ALBA.. yes i noe its a movie long ago.. but juz wanna catch it la.. so watched it on his com.. hehe.. JESSICA ALBA SO DAMN PRETTY LA.. haha.. n now im back home.. well.. guess im going out again later to pei goldie go back home a while.. she misses her mom n her mom misses her too.. NOONE MISSES ME I KNOW THAT.. SAD..... haha.. *mayb someone does misses me i oso dunno la hor?*. lols.... hope someone does misses me.. BLEAHS.

lala.. todae had LIT for e WHOLE DAE.. imagine how bored tat is.. haha.. but had a break in bwtn n mrs cheah cooked us chicken frm home.. its so nice.. n she showed us her photo album.. wow.. a BIG book of photos when she went to canada n usa.. drove al e wae frm canada to usa.. haha.. lit was ok todae la.. juz tat quite bored lor.. hais.. den RAIN.. SO DAMN HEAVY LA.. den ran in e rain down e hill to get cab back home.. lalalala.... im so goddamn bored..