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behind that cool facade
hides a messed up soul
walk with me


an ordinary person living and struggling in this ordinary yet tormenting world.

shouts




Saturday, August 26, 2006


WHAHAHA.. IM FREAKIN HAPPY TODAE..

1)ALL E PHOTOS TAT I TOOK WIF SARA AL CAME OUT SUPER NICE N ON FORM.
2)ETHAN(DNO CORRECT ANOT) SO DAMN FREAKIN CUTE LA.
3)SUMONE SO FREAKIN SWEET LA. {U NOE WHU U R}
4)THOSE EDITTED PHOTOS OF ME N SARA AL CAME OUT SUPER DUPER FREAKIN NICE
5)IM SO FCUKIN PROUD OF MY N70!

oks..todae went out wif sara n daniel.. wonder y sara n daniel? oso dno.. lols.. juz go out geta lor.. nvm de ma?haha..DEN WENT TO PEPPER LUNCH AGAIN.LALALA~ I JUZ LOVE PEPPER LUNCH SO MUCH. THEIR SERVICE N EFFICIENCY SUPER GOOD LA.den after eatin,s usual,bought MOS FRIES. den go toilet to take photo wif SARA.haha..NARCCISSTIC PARTNER LA. she sae cant use cam whore. so use narcisstic lor..dno spell correct anot..haha..(PHOTOS AT E END LA.) den startin veh sian la.. go to e arcade near PC BUNK. i so love PC BUNK tis name..haha.. its a cyber cafe la.. den go arcade find JOSH. TAT IRRITATIN FELLOW. N GUESS WAT? HE BROKE E SPORE RECORD!! OF INITIAL D! YESYES. E ARCADE GAME INITIAL D! WIF A TYMIN OF.... 3.08.679 secs. fuck la. hha.. super difficult to get tat record can! WORLD RECORD IS 3.07 SECS LA. HIS LYK.. 3SEC+? HAHA.. den he broke e record.. i play para wif josh.. den slacked dere.. wa.. nowhere go sia.. den!! dcided to go pekkio.. slacked..den me n daniel n josh left first. i gotta go earlier.. so josh went back. n daniel sent me home. whu else but him? ask me one girl go back myself meh? lols.. den reach home.. EDIT PHOTOS.. WA LAN EH.. GUYS!1 LISTEN UP OK!! I SO FUCKIN LOVE MY N70 LA! E CAM 2MGP. WHICH MAKES E PHOTOS CLEAR N NICE. MP3 POWER. SUPER LOUD ESP WHEN URE ON EARPHONES. DEN E EDITTIN AH.. SUPER FREAKIN GOOD. HAHA.. (bit exaggeratin la.. but i do tink so.). haha.. den now blog lor.. wa..

ETHAN FUCKIN CUTE LA. SAW TIS CUTE LITTLE BOYBOY IN PEKKIO. CALLED ETHAN. SO SO CUTE LA~ haha.. ok.. til here ba.. shoulder tired la.. type lyk tis tired le.. bobian.. old liaos.. white hair..hahahaha...



lala..e norm photo..edit veh norm.

at taka toilet. nice leh.. norm edit oso. nice stuffs at e back

ok..juz find tis nice so put it up. i bo liao take de..haha..lols.

oks..photos startin to get nicer.. black n white plus negative.. nice hor? not bad la.~
oks..gettin better la hor?

THIS IS E NICEST PHOTO I WUD SAE. MI N SARA LOVE TIS PHOTO ALOT. =D

Thursday, August 24, 2006


todae is a fcuked up dae. lalalala... i was angry for no reason in e mrn n den lyk 'wtf?' la.. den in e evening received cia's cal. nvm la.. forget it la.. i got nth much to sae la.. sae too much quarrel.. hais...

Monday, August 21, 2006


i got nth to sae animore.

Wednesday, August 16, 2006


dint go for nite study.. no erp.. stay until 830 after sku abit siao.. hais...

when im on my wae home... im reminded of him.. at first didnt de.. goldie la.. i was listenin to 'please remember'. den she dun wan to listen to tat.den we argue.so i ended e argue wif 'tis is my phone.' n i walked awae myself.den i board e bus without gifin her a good face. haha.. den on my wae home,listen to sad songs..aiya.. my phone got alot.lols. den tot of him...

i wanted to go n relax by takin a bus ride.88.but no.my heart tells me tis 'i dun dare.i cant take it when e bus passes his hse.no.' hais.. n i feel lyk tearin.n when i reached my lift,i was suddenly overwhelmed by sadness n pressures.n e min i reach my floor,or rather sae right after al e other passengers got out of e lift at their floor,i cried.immediately.i teared.terribly...

jiejie..do u noe tat i stil rmb ur number despite e fact tat i dint save it?u noe y?ur number means alot to me.i wun forget it.bcoz it blongs to YOU.ure e one whu caused e breakup.if u dint tel him al e stuffs,we wun had broke.n i treated u lyk my own sister.realli.bcoz to me,ure alr so mature,u wil utd how i feel.n u make me feel lyk im ur sis.but i dint xpect u to do such ting.to tink u told me 'study hard.dun kip cryin over him.ure havin Os tis yr.tell me ur good result nxt yr when u get ur result n i treat u to shopg.serious.' to tink u said to bring me to shopg.to tink u asked me to tell u my good results.hais.. i wanted to tell you 'jie..i got A1 n distinction for my mother tongue.'. i wanted to tel u my uber good results.but on 2nd tot,y shud i?i dint xpect u to do such ting tat broke my heart.so terribly.u caused tis.do u noe tat i dun even dare to sms him to tel him e good news?DO U NOE TAT? OF COZ U DNO RIGHT.U DUN EVEN CARE ABT HOW I WIL FEEL.IF U CARED,IF U SPARED A TOT FOR ME,U WUN HAD DONE SUCH A TING.YES HES UR BROTHER.N IM JUZ A NOBODY TO YOU.SO U CAN DO SUCHA TING TO ME.mayb im wrongin u.but to me,its u whu caused it.bcoz ONLY YOU whu noe those stuffs.its bwtn me n u.i wun b so stupid to tel him those ting tat i shun.other than u,whu else wud had did tat?hais.. i dint xpect u to do tis..... yes i shun had told u those tings tat i shun in e first place.but considerin al e pain im goin tru,i cant take it.i let it al out.n i told YOU.bcoz ure sucha mature lady.but look at now? no words cud describe e agony im going tru vredae.

u caused al tis pain in me.u caused it.u noe how much i had put into tis r/s wif ur BROTHER.u KNEW.u caused me to reject al e guys tat is so good to me now.sumone even said 'to gif urself n others a chance.'. how i wish i can do tat.i WANNA do tat.but i cant.i wan so much to gif myself n others a chance.but i cant cross my own barrier.i stil cant trust guys.its not e guys fault.its my fault.i cant seem to rely on others animore.NO MORE.NO.

jie,i wun sms u.i WILL NOT.i wan u to live wif guilt al ur life.wicked so?u knew i loved ur brother wif e whole of my heart.u knew wat i sacrificed.n look at wat u did tat caused e pain in me todae.i cant forgive u.mayb one dae i wil..but not now.NO.n of coz,i wun torture myself wif e hatred i have for u.DEEP down inside,i HATE you.

U CAUSED TIS.

Tuesday, August 15, 2006


went for nite study again. whahaha.. n i fuckin love nite study now.. realli makes me sit down n study.. its juz e correct environment. coz i nid a quiet place to study.. lols. tis wil b a short post.. oh ya.. JOHN was catchin al those little flies todae durin nite study.. eeeeee... ma chiam got dirty ting lyk tat.. suddenly so mani bugs noe.. eeeeeeeeeee..........

at a lost.dno wat to do.juz lettin tings go naturally.

Monday, August 14, 2006


oks.. went for nite study todae.. haha.. ITS SO FUCKIN EFFECTIVE LA.. imagine vreone studyin lyk siao arnd u.. how cud u not do anitin? haha.. so i did a compre.. n im ful of SATISFACTION now.. haha.. i wna go again tml! whahaha..

n oh ya.. toked to mdm you todae wif cia.. abt our O lvl result.. i ask her 'lao shi.. ni zhi dao wo de cheng ji le hor?' den she sae ya..den she smile veh happily.. den toked to cia abt her results,whether shud she retake.mdm you said she shud.n wats more,shes goin to do it oso.den we toked abt diff ppl lor..lyk y others cun score wel al.. it al ends wif one word 'pressure'. sum ppl score wel in tests but not in exams. coz dey r over pressurized.too anxious tat al e words dey can use/used to use to score wel,doesnt comes out of their mind. tats y.. i always had e mindset of calmin down whenver it comes to exams. bcoz i noe being anxious wun help.instead it wil fail me. tats e same mindset i had when i was goin to take my result. rememberin my frens arnd me jumpin arnd anxiously.grabbin me tellin me dey r anxious. n i juz told dem 'yi ping chang xin dui dai.' juz b natural. its veh easy.. juz prepare urself for e worst. so tat when e worst realli happens,ure prepared. if e worst doesnt happens,its good den. haha.. tats e mindset i always have. coz being anxious n nervous aint gna improve ur grades isnt it? its alr set. u did it months ago. n its alr set e moment e tym ends. so y get so anxious? lols.. juz learn to accept facts. n sumtin tat mdm you said make me proud of myself.haha.. allow me to boast ok.. she said 'A1 shi hen nan na de..hen shao ren na de dao.' haha.. n i feel so proud to b one of e few tat got A1. i asked E1's kenny how mani ppl got A1 in their clas.he said 2.mine got 3.e3 got 1.so adds to 6. WHOLE 4E LVL ONLI 6 GOT A1. out of 4 classes. which is lyk... a clas abt 30-40 pp.. tyms 4. 160 ppl? n onli 6 got a1. WOOHOO! haha.. im so proud of myself..

anw,A1 aint difficult to get la..eng is lyk chi. its al abt readin,applyin,rememberin. read more,learn more words,apply dem n u wil rmb dem. its e same for chi. s for e rest lyk compre,u have to improve by doin more of it. tats e wae i score wel for chi. but i dun do chi compres.xcept for e ones tcher gif.lols.. den cia sae 'she one dae can read 3 novels. tink i have to learn frm her.' haha.. lols. i seriously dun tink gettin an A1 for chinese is a big deal. if i cud get A1 for eng,den it wud b a BIG deal. haha.. anw,im happy i got A1. but i dun lyk it when ppl sae 'ah la..get A1 la.. li hai la.. ' hais.. wats e BIG BIG DEAL abt A1? chinese summre. hais.. veh big fuck ah?

n to tat anonymous whu tagged me. if u happen to read tis.. i dno r u e one whu tagged my fren's blog s wel. but i seriously tink ure boliao. if u r e same person,den u have NTH beta to do man. if ure not e same person, den good for u. THANKS FOR TAGGING HUH. u can continue if u wan. =D

Friday, August 11, 2006


WOOHOO! todae got back my CHINESE O LVL RESULTS..

haha.. super shocked n pleased. hehe.. =D

n of coz deres tears tat i see oso. hais.. to my loved ones whu happen to see tis..

dun cry.dun feel bad.regretful yes indeed.but afterall,its set.al u can do is to retake n get a better result. =)

BUT.. hais.. i cried. not bcoz i got good grades.. but bcoz.. wats e use of havin A1 n distinction if i cant share it wif him? i dun even dare to sms him e results fearin tat al i wil get is juz a 'oh ok.'. it hurts alot u noe? imagine sumone u love so much,when u tel him ur major exam results,den a 'oh ok' comes. i realli dun dare.. hais.. i cant even share my good grades wif him.. i dun even dare to let him noe i miss him so much. hais.. i noe its tym to move on.. its not tat im not movin on, its juz.. cant let go. hais.. n i cried n cried.. "wats e use of having good grades if e one u love so much is not by u? wats e use of having good grades if he doesnt even care?".

Monday, August 07, 2006


alright.. dint go for e nite study.. y? hais...

sumone juz tends to walk wif her OWN clique. n nv bother abt e rest.. oh yes mayb ure hungry.. so dner for 3 n forget abt e other one.. wonder if u even tink abt me.. yes im accompanyin sumone else.. but i told u tat im goin for e nite study eh? so i nid dner too. but e fugly aunties in sku had alr closed their stalls. i eat wat? eat wind lor.. so dcided to come back to my home sweet home to have dner. not onli tis pisses mi off. ure always e one walkin wif ur other clique. oh yes dey r so adorable n cute n stuffs lyk tat. dey r ur everyting.

n cia.. i didnt wan to b angry at u. whether wil u b able to see tis or not,i juz wna type it out. hais.. u noe he juz wun change. mayb he wil,yes. but hey. look man. look at wat he doin now? playin soccer happily while u go home al alone? wtf is tat? tel u to tok to him,yes u did for so mani tyms. but it dint worked out. after wat i hear juz now. when u cal him. i find tat its e wae u tok tat matters. it juz wun let e other person noe ure pissed. cmon la. if u wan him to noe tat u r dead angry n sad,SCREAM N SHOUT AT HIM. EXPRESS URSELF MAN! hais.. one more ting tat made me real angry was when i sae 'in e past when i tok to alien,he stil dint change.i can do nth bcoz i screamed n shouted at him al.but now? look at how u tok to him man.' but even be4 i cud finish e sentence. u said 'eh. she got TODAY paper leh. i take frm her la?' yaya.. u wan e TODAY paper to check for e tymslots for e movie ma.. yesyes i noe.. watever la. hais.. fuckin angry at u i dno y. probly bcoz wat ive been tru. i noe wat ure goin tru n how u feel. i dun wan u to go tru e same ting s me u noe? mayb i sound harsh in e wae i tok to u abt wat i tink. but its al bcoz i dun wan u to b e same s me. hais.. suan le.. afterall,i can onli end wif 'e final dcision stil lies wif u.i cant do nitin for u if u stil choose to continue sufferin.'.

hais.. n ppl. u al noe whu u al r. if u happen to read tis. please stop saein deres sumtin goin on bwtn me n him. yes deres sumtin alright.its juz plain chit chattin vre night k. it doesnt mean he have to lyk me noe.. wats more,even if he lyks me,haven tel me or watever. I DUN CARE. u al tink i can stil bother after wat had just happened to me 3 mths ago? if u al tink i can stil trust guys so much or even gif dem a chance to mend my heart,ure wrong. alright? please stop al tat saein. if him being close to me means he lyk me,den he wud have fallen for d** long ago k. cmon la.. hais..



ok.. dint go to sku todae.. haha.. having a headache since ytd. lols. but im goin to sku later on. for e erps n nite study.. haha.. n tat stupid sumone tinks i deliberately dun go sku. wtf. nvm. n im goin town later wif my mum. be4 i go sku. go cine take pay for her. den go PEPPER LUNCH. whahahaha.. been cravin for it since lyk 8037034yrs ago.. haha.. =p

take her for good food. whahahahaha~

Friday, August 04, 2006


sum ppl r real boliao n stupid.

anon(not e good anon im tokin abt whu tagged in my board.juz in case u reads tis.).if u tink u r so good,ure not.ure real boliao n stupid.obviously u noe me by e tings u tried to sae to gek me.but sad to sae,ure not close to me so u doesnt noe my stuffs real well which makes u sound so goddamn stupid when u sae those tings.noe wat? i laugh to myself.haha...i noe u noe us la..mayb u wil even b laughin tat we r wonderin whu u r.but,haha..we r not wonderin animore..its stupid gettin so bothered over u,sumone whu has SO much tym to spare.n tries gekkin us but to no avail.haha..oh ya~ anw,anon,im GEKKING YOU RIGHT NOW OK? =) *i find it real funny n stupid when u sae those tings tat tries to gek me.*

anw.. enuf of anon.. shes one stupid person.haha..

juz sumtin random..i noticed tat sum ppl onli tok frm their own perspective.dey nv tries to spare tot for ppl? lyk,wat made dem said e tings dey said or did e tings dey did.(goldie,im not pointin tis at u k. in case u tink so.) actually..lyk wat i said,deres always 2 sides to tings..lyk,if u spare tots for tat sumone,sumtyms it doesnt pay.OR.dey wil appreciate.but i stil blieve tat being good to sumone wil sumhow make me reap sumtin.

to sara: DERES NTH GOIN ON BWTN ME N U NOE WHU.realli..haha..e u noe whu juz calls me vre nite..to tok nonsense n watever else..really.anw,even if he got motive,i oso not scared.he cant harm me.haha..s in emotionally.u noe y luh huh..haha.. N TAKE FUCKING GOOD CARE OF URSELF LA~ U IDIOT. *u noe i dun mean it. =p*

alright.. juz update til here..gotta get a rest.. super tired these few daes..ytd wna slp le den evan sms me..delayed my tym..haha..GOODNIGHT.