arena on mon (yes AGAIN)

dbl o last night.wif goldie n classmates.a bunch of crazy slackers.desmond is a nice guy.celeste is a crazy girl.

drink drink drank.but not drunk.

gna b powerhouse on fridae.

hope its gna b a fruitful trip. (fruitful?LOLS)

liquor n liquor n liquor.

dehydration in process-

but i enjoy it.coz i have to,be4 i cnt.



to 'specialnunforgettable', (tho he wun see it for sure),
i miss you.for ure stil e special one in my heart no matter how hectic my daes r.u wil nv b forgotten.for its our promise to each other.its nice how we cn stil b such good frens aft yrs since our story ended.i feel tat its a gift.ure a gift.to me.n im so thankful for it.realli.n i do mean everytin i sae to u.
i do realli misses you alot.yhy.

dbl o on thurs.

e arena last night.

liquor al night.

dance al night.

hot live performances.

dance lyk nobody's business.

get high lyk uve nv been high be4.

clubbing is love,clubbing is addictive.

loud music pumping.

adrenaline rushing.

one word;

high.

sigh.even aft tings ended for near a yr,exactly bcoz it ended,it changed me.

i dno e reason i smile now.even in front of frens,we joke we laugh we smile,is tat frm e btm of my heart?do i feel happy frm e btm of my heart?i dno.i realli dno.

sumtyms i feel tat vretin on e surface of me is juz a facade.i may tel my frens 'its ok i'll b fine' but m i realli ok?did i realli resolve tings n b fine?i dno.i juz placed it aside not tinkin abt it actually.

bcoz if i reali go n tink abt it,probe further,i wud had broke dwn long ago.n if i brk dwn,vretin falls.sku,family. but i dun wan e ones whu love me,to b sad.i dun wna let dem see e weak side of me.i dun wna let dem see my tears.so now,no more frens saw my tears no matter how bad i feel.i kip vretin to myself now.

i cry,i scream i brk dwn deep at night when vreone's slpin.n pretend tat im fine e nxt mrn.

ppl sae wat we go tru now is a learnin process,to let u b strong.but i wish tat i dun nid to b strong.how i wish deres sumone whus willing to utd me n tkc of me so i dun nid to b strong myself. but e fact is,noone wil b dere for u 24/7.u stil have to dpend on urself.

ironically,i noe e fact,but i cnt do it.vredae i tel myself i mus go to sku n i went.but vredae is juz a usual normal routine tat im supposed to b doin now.nth special,noone special for me to look forward to.

n when i put my heart into sumtin/sumone,it/e person have to disapoint me so much.now i noe y sum ppl wil have e tot of 'fated to b alone'. coz deres basically noone tat cn prove to me tat im not alone.

i dno e reason y im smilin now.i cn b silly n kip smilin in front of ppl.but i dun even noe e reason.dey ask me 'wat r u laughin/smilin abt?' i wil sae 'dno.juz smile lor'.

e price i have to pay for lettin go is,to feel alone wif al e memories dere leavin me sighin alone.

noone noes e real reason bhind my actions/tots.


nevertheless,al these doesnt mean i hasnt let go.ive let go.if deres a choice,i wish i was nv born.so wat if e older generations sae 'to b able to b a human in tis lyf is a gift'? a gift?for me to go tru so much hardships n al u sae is e hardships is for me to grow? den i wud rather b weak n choose nv b born coz al these is alot to take.so much tat i cn sae 'i dno how long more cn i hold on pretendin to smile wif a reason bhind e curve on my face'.


how i wish im juz tinkin too much.but e meanin of tinkin too much means its a one moment of folly ting.but ive been feelin tis wae for 3yrs. even when im wif him. so is tis called tinkin too much? sigh.

life realli sucks big tym.

n so,i changed my blogskin. lols. not veh nice. but watever. its late. n im tired. hahaha. nxt tym got mood den do sumtin abt it ba.

I WNA READ TWILIGHT SERIES.