everytime i wishes to blog,im lost for words.
have been really affected by goldie for the past few daes.
tinkin bac on wat i did n wat u did.
tinkin bac on wat happened in e past.

tis definitely isnt e outcome i wanted
if i had a chance again,
mayb i'll try to b strong n hold u back
mayb i'll try to b strong n wait for u to change
mayb....
but all these mayb wil not come animore.
it had alr ended.so long.

u always apologizes to me for wat uve done
no apologizes is needed.
but to me,u once told me how impt i was to u
how special i was to u.
if i really am tat special n impt,
den y did u do wat u did.

tho we remained s frens,its hurting.
its even more contradicting when i have to go up to ur hse
its contradicting on e dae of cny
when i was dere n ur gf was dere s wel.
its hard.really hard.
to remain s frens wif u.

even entering e room tat i was once/stil am so familiar wif
is heart wrenching.
i stil rmb wat clothes u have
i stil rmb wat clothes u lyk to wear to slp
i stil rmb how i make e bed for e both of us
i stil rmb so mani more tings.

sumone whom i had once tot to b e one
disappointed me.
if onli im able to trust u all over again....


all these words came out unknowingly.
all e best to u.i wun wish u happiness wif ur current/future gf.
but i wil wan u to b safe n sound..

okok. here comes a normal post ok. lol.

was sick for nearly a wk. went to drink wif xiangfei n his frens coz it was his fren's bdae. rasa sentosa resort shangri la at sentosa. deluxe suite. quite nice wif a balcony tat u cn see e whole siloso beach. was enjoyin n al. playin games. u noe those games u play when u drink? ya. haha. but his fren's gf wasnt feelin veh well n we saboh his fren to drink wine. he cun take it. so we stopped e game. tats when i started havin fever. f man. felt warm. den i tot mayb coz i drink or coz im wearin a jacket. so dint spare much tot abt it. in e end? fever. xiangfei had to tkc of me tru out e night. LOLS. nxt mrn went hm,slept almost e whole dae. fever dint go awae. went to e doc early mon mrn. zzz.... fever subsided n on wed when i wanted to go sku,my eye swelled. wtf. so in e end whole wk nv go sku. zzzzzzzz.

yea. tho i juz recovered,i nv forget to play. hahaha. cooped up at hm for almost a wk noe! wil die. so goldie n i went to dbl o! thurs night. i paid for vretin. haha. e other tym she paid. now i pay. XD dint even get veh high. was at a ok stage onli. got hm in e mrn,too tired to go sku. =x



不知会呆在这个歇息站多久。或则应该说，这个歇息站会在这里多久。不敢去想太多，就这样吧。。。

你说我不该，不该在这时候后说了我爱你
要怎么证明我没有说谎的力气
请告诉我，暂停算不算放弃
我只有，只有那一天的回忆。。。。

跟我很熟的朋友就会了，我是一个很热爱华文的人。所以不只为何，心血来潮的想用华文。这几天的心情都不是很好。生了一场病。也让我特别的累，虚脱。。。

曾在朋友的博客看见他自己亲自写的这段稿：

不是不相信愛,也不是不敢去愛,而是愛了,又如何?
很多東西不是付出多少,就有多少回報,因為感情不是一種交易...
只是看伱願意花多少時間,心血和努力去賭..
有人輸了自信,有人輸了方向,也有人輸了自我的靈魂..
沉溺在酒精的夜裡,思念分不開也離不去...
用生命體驗速度的刺激...彷彿在跟死神飆車...
一個彎接著一個彎,但始終看不見終點...

忘了怎麼去愛,慢慢在心裡建起一層厚厚的保護色..
也不敢渴望自己值得任何人來愛..
開始一個人逛街,一個人吃飯,一個人承受漫長的失眠夜..
害怕入睡醒來後..只是一場虛幻的夢..

在好朋友面前,帶著一張面具,深怕自己的心情影響別人..
不允許自己脆弱的一面,讓身邊重要的人看見..
因為怕別人為自己擔心..
那是男人的悲哀,只因為男人的肩膀是如此沉重..
空空蕩蕩的房間裡,只剩下孤獨和寂寞的回憶..

心痛了,是因真心愛過,卻再也沒有挽留的勇氣..
放手了,是因為在他的面前,妳是幸福微笑著..
接受是殘酷的,但別無選擇..
只能拖著自己的腳步,忍住疼痛,一步一步向前走..

雖然偶爾會無頭緒著看著手機裡那遙遠又熟悉的號碼..
卻只能期望哪天能從朋友口中聽到妳的消息或在路上偶然相遇..

少了愛的天空,生活真的變的好灰好灰,原來一個人真的會走到好累好累..


一个人真的很累。。。有时很想哭，可是眼泪怎么都流不出。那种感觉很不好。。像胸口有什么啃着一样。非常难受。。同一个朋友说过，去夜店的人有很多种。有想得到一夜情的，也有許多失落的靈魂想要暫時逃避現實。。我正属于失落的那一种。

所以啊，无论任何时候，想找我去夜店，放胆的来问我。我一定去。

因为我已经不知道自己还活着像个行尸走肉般，有着什么意义了。。。。。
我走的好累，好想找个歇息站。可又有任何人让我依靠的吗？

how i wish tym cud juz stop

or rather,let my lyf come to an end.

its really tiring having to sae 'nvm' when u wish e person to noe wat ure tinkin n do sumtin abt it.

sumtyms u wish e person to b more sensitive but oh wells,hes not.n u dun wish to force him to change.

its contradicting how u wish tat person to utd u n do tings to make u feel beta but at e same tym u dun wish tat person to do sumtin not out of own will.

its irony when u have to tink abt 'is he realli e one?' or 'r we really suitable?' when u r feelin nice abt him.

its hurting when e other party doesnt feel e same for u

n its hard havin to pretend 'nvm im ok' n continue walking on

its dumb
its foolish
its silly

many a tyms when u try to b rational but u juz feel lyk tryin for a bit more... risk having nth in e end...

its tiring havin to put a smile on ur face when u dun feel lyk it at al

its tiring havin to sae 'im ok' when ure not at al

its tiring havin to sae 'go to slp' when deres nth else u cud do

its tiring havin to run awae,hide,al e emotions

its tiring havin to lead ur lyf s usual when u dun feel lyk doin it at al

its tiring havin to live in tis world full of torments...
n u have to tel urself 'its growing process'.


drained.tired.
cn i juz fal aslp here right now n nv wake up?